List Making & Chronic Illness: Friend or Foe
I have always been a list maker. That is how, as a dyslexic, I accomplish what needs to be done.
I start my day by listing what I need to accomplish. Come the weekend I list what I want to accomplish in two days instead of one, so the list gets longer. I place the list on the dining room table and cross off each item as I accomplish it. My list is always so long visually that it never looks like I accomplish much in a day. In a good day or two the most I accomplish would be 4-5 things, and by the end I am exhausted beyond description. To make it worse, I would continually add to that list. One day my husband asked me what I was trying to accomplish with this punch list. I responded that it was my core punch list. His comment was:
“It is too long and unreasonable for the time that you want to do it. One item on this list will take at least a week. The longest amount of time you are giving yourself is two days. I am glad I don’t work for you.”
He was correct. I never thought I got anything done.
As I have aged and my chronic illness became worse, I would push myself until I was down for the count. My lists were still 10-20 items long, depending if it was my weekday or weekend. Then, two years ago, I closed my private therapy practice and became 100% retired. I was no longer working and trying to keep a home. I stopped making lists and my self-talk became loud and critical. “You need to be doing something. Nothing is getting done.” It went on and on. So once again I began making to do lists and the fatigue cycle began once again.
The Change in My List-Making Behavior
Recently something happened that gave me new insight into myself. I wrote a blog on chronic illness. As would happen many times when I was an active therapist, I heard how I was guiding others and finally took my own advise. I took a good long look at my actions and decided I expected too much of myself, especially in retirement. So I asked myself should I even think about writing a to do list? Then, I heard my husband’s voice from decades past: “Make it more realistic and make sure it includes rest. Keep it small and finish what is on it before adding new items.” This gave me food for thought. I did what I always do when I need to gain more insight. I picked up my journal and started to write. My first sentence was “How can I make a to do list and not overwhelm myself?” This is what appeared on the page:
Keep the list to a maximum of 3 items.
After the last item write DO NOT ADD TO THIS LIST UNTIL ALL ITEMS ARE CROSSED OFF!
Include rest as an item each day.
Then I decided to keep an additional list, a weekly accomplishment list of everything I completed each week. I start it on Monday and review it the following Sunday. I have done this for one week and have discovered I accomplished 28 items the first week. I felt rested and productive. I accomplished more than I thought I would. My list is divided into “need to do” and “want to do” items. Surprisingly enough for me rest and fun show up on the need to do list every day. Need to do items are ones that have to be done in a certain time frame. Where want to do items can float through the list and be done on the days that I have more energy and time. An example of a want to do item would be a “free day”. I now have a day with no agenda, complete freedom to do whatever I want to do.
Lessons from List Making:
As soon as I add items after items to a to do list, I start placing undue pressure on myself. I set myself up for failure.
My list doesn’t have to be huge. Sometimes it only has two items. One is always rest. It gives me time to make sure that the item or items are something I want to achieve. At the end of the day, I feel accomplished and rested.
I use a weekly calendar printed from my computer. (You might use your phone calendar.) I schedule my day including items from my to do list. As I list and schedule my tasks, I can differentiate my needs vs. wants. I have a better day when I do this and do not overwork or overwhelm myself.
I’ve found I can have fun, get things done, and rest. All I have to do is be realistic about my to do list.
By making a weekly accomplishment list, I see that I get things done.
The gift from this new way of doing things is that I am a better role model to younger women.
